I Wish..........

I wish I was one of those people that could eat whatever they want and not gain weight.

I wish I had crazy endurance.

I wish it wasn't so hard for me to lose weight.

But the fact is - I was "blessed" to be one of those people where weight, health, etc. has to be hard for me.

I still work out every day - hard core workouts where I'm sweating profusely by the end. And I love it. I have gained so much muscle! I can do 500 squats before my legs want to give out.

But, I did not lose the 10 more pounds like I wanted to by the end of June. I did lose 4 more and was doing great, but then I went camping with the family. And you know camping food. It's so amazing and delightful! And fattening and so not healthy for you. I literally gained 4 pounds in 3 days from eating horrendously. BUT - I haven't gained any weight back from the 15 pounds I've already lost. From the camping trip on, I've been making poor eating choices.

I weigh myself every day, every morning. It's actually proven that you can lose weight quicker, or better if you do that. I like to do it because it helps me see the consequence of my actions for the previous day. Like I said before, I wish I had one of those bodies that didn't suffer from eating poorly. But I'm not. Before I started exercising, I would eat poorly and I would literally be 2 pounds heavier the next day, and then it would take all week to get back to where I started. It was awful! I'm finally to the point where I eat poorly and I don't gain anything the next day. Probably all this muscle I have. I burn calories quicker. But ya, I have been in a rut for the past monthish or so. I just haven't been eating well. I started eating more carbs, and I didn't make dinner, which meant we had pizza or pancakes or something awful for dinner. Oh, and we got a puppy, and they are just as bad as a newborn. You have to take them outside during the night every 2-3 hours so they can pee, so they don't pee in the house. The first week was ROUGH! But it's getting better. He's going longer periods of time now and Clint helps, so I'm only getting up once a night now to take him out. But if I don't get good sleep, my eating choices are out the window!

However, I don't look at this past month as a failure. And that is one thing I've realized the past 6 months trying to lose weight. Losing weight isn't a quick thing. It's a roller coaster (at least for me) of ups and downs. Times when I do great and I'm on fire and I eat great, and times when I just want to quit, so I stop trying as hard, don't eat as well, etc. I'm really grateful, though, that I haven't had a roller coaster ride with working out. That is the thing that is helping me NOT gain weight.  I love working out.

But FOOD? Food is a trial for me. I hate that I have to lower my intake of certain foods (like carbs, sugar, fat) in order to lose weight. And eat more things like vegetables. Man, am I sick of green salad! And eating some of those things once can ruin it for me. It's an inner dilemma that I fight every day - should I eat some chocolate or get ice cream, or should I not? It's hard. I can't describe it. It's like having Thanksgiving dinner on the table and you haven't eaten anything all day so you can binge on all the wonderful food, but not being able to eat it. It's a real dilemma. For some people, food is easy. It's not hard at all to control your portions and eat healthy. And to them "binging" is snacking on a few handfuls of popcorn, or tortillas chips, or eating 1 cookie and stopping. Seriously? Who eats only one cookie and has the will power to stop? Oh ya, not me.  But, honestly, those people will probably never completely understand what it's like to have food as a weakness.

So there you have it. I haven't failed, I'm not going to quit just because I didn't reach my goal of losing 10 more pounds by the end of June. I'm going to keep fighting and just realize that there ups and downs and it's one step at a time.

I took this updated family photo a few weeks ago. I love it. I love my kids and I'm really grateful for an amazing husband. I love my family and I love that we are together FOREVER! I also love that I don't have anything bad to say about how I look. 15 lbs can make a big difference. Working out and strength training makes a big difference.